Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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