Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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