I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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