in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
