i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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