were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize