I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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