I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
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With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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