I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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