i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
