I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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