whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
