I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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