Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Fuck appropriateness.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
