jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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