I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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