I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
