we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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