She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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