i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
