i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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