I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
