I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she smelled like a LAN party
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
