i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
