The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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