And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
