you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
