last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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