spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
