My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
