I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
