at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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