just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
