Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
