The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just want nice things and good sex
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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