Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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