fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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