Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
