He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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