The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
