worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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