Yo dont text me then not text me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
