woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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