My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
