Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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