When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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