What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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