I heard we made out
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
