Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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