she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
