So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
