I wish I only lived at night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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