He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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