to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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