Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
