the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
