Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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