ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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