just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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