I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
