I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
