He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
