I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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