If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
