Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Even my vagina gasped.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
